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Iain Cunningham always believed that his birth had something to do with his mother’s death, but whatever it was seemed to be a family secret that couldn’t be discussed. It wasn’t until Iain was an adult with a family of his own that he uncovered who his mother really was and why she had died. “My mum would have wanted me to do whatever makes me happy – and what makes me happy is helping people like her.”

From a very early age Becky knew that her mum was a drinker, even though Pat never drank in front of her and never talked about it. You’re actually a highly sensitive person, but you’veshut down youremotions in order to cope. You’re sensitive to criticism, which fuels your people-pleasing. But you’re also a highly compassionate and caring person.

Your parent may not accept they have a problem to begin with, particularly if they think their drinking is under control. If they deny they have an issue with alcohol, be proactive and put forward some solutions. Ask them to visit their GP, contact an organisation such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or possibly try private therapy. Below, we have outlined the steps that children, young people and adults can take when concerned about their parent, to help both themselves and the person they care about. If you’re worried about your parent, knowing what to do can be difficult. It’s challenging trying to learn how to help an alcoholic parent and get them back on track, especially if you’re young.

Additional articles about codependency and Adult Children of Alcoholics that you may find helpful:

External messages that you’re bad, crazy, and unlovable become internalized. You’re incredibly hard on yourself and struggle to forgive or love yourself. During childhood, you came to believe that you’re fundamentally flawed, and the cause of the family dysfunction. Shame is the feeling that youre wean off prozac bad or wrong and unworthy of love.

Don’t Enable Their Behavior

Unfortunately though she will absolutely never admit she’s been drinking or drunk. If one of your parents is addicted to alcohol, it’s important to remember that it’s not your fault. You may feel responsible, and believe that you’re the cause of their drinking problem, but this isn’t the case.

Private outpatient treatment

My name is Ella, I’m 26 and for as long as I can remember my mum has been an alcoholic. In other words, their behavior, rather than your reaction to their behavior, becomes the focus. It is only when they experience their own pain that they will feel a need to change. What might seem like a reasonable expectation in some circumstances might be totally unreasonable when it comes to someone with an addiction.

We will also advise on the best way to approach your parent about their addiction, how to keep yourself and other people in your family safe and the treatment options available. Most of the adult children of alcoholics who I know underestimate the effects of being raised in an alcoholic family. More likelyits shame and simply not knowingthat adult children of alcoholics (ACOAs), as a group, tend to struggle with a particular set of issues.

“None of my friends knew a thing until she died, but that put me in a position where I was forced to accept that we had this massive secret that I’d thought was just normal,” Becky says. But even if it was really late and she was tired, Becky would feel too uneasy to sleep herself. From time to time she’d hold a small mirror up to her mum’s face, just to check that she was still breathing.

1. Addiction loves confrontation because it provides it with the opportunity to lash out or become aggressive.
2. However, a crisis is usually the time when you should do nothing.
3. Pat had a nice, new partner and she wasn’t drinking as much – sometimes only at weekends, when she was at Brian’s.

Let a Crisis Happen

Our experienced addiction team is also able to help the families of people in recovery. Dedicated family support groups and family therapy sessions are available when someone that you care about is going through treatment at Priory. Never feel that you have to help your parent all by yourself. Speak out and talk to someone you trust about getting support for your alcoholic parent. While you may be worried about reaching out, it’s important that your parent gets the help that they need. Growing up in an alcoholic home, you feel insecure and crave acceptance.

“I think my grandma was ashamed – not of my mum – just of the stigma of it. No-one knew what to do with my mum and there just wasn’t the support there like there is now,” Becky says. “I didn’t want to get my mum in trouble. I was afraid if anyone found out they’d take me away and I knew that my mum needed me,” Becky says. “It was my responsibility to protect her – if I hadn’t been there my grandma couldn’t have coped.” There was a smell that lingered around her mother that Becky still remembers, the smell that seems to seep out of the pores of someone who’s had a skinful the night before.

The effects of growing up in narcissism and alcoholism an alcoholic family are varied. Many ACOAs are very successful, hard-working, and goal-driven.Some struggle with alcohol or other addictions themselves. If your parent does decide to seek help, it’s important to express your support. Call and visit when possible, to show you’re thinking about them and rooting for their recovery.

Getting Professional Help

Although her parents’ marriage hadn’t lasted the course and her mum hadn’t completely stopped drinking, by the time Becky was 13, it seemed like things were improving. Pat had a nice, new partner and she wasn’t drinking as much – sometimes only at weekends, when she was at Brian’s. Pat would hide bottles of vodka around the house – under the mattress, between towels in the bathroom cupboard, in the toilet cistern. She’d down it in secret, and was drinking heavily on as many as five days out of every seven. So if Becky ever found one of her mum’s stashed bottles she’d pour what is a drinker’s nose the vodka away, replace it with water and then carefully return the bottle to its hiding place. This again stems from experiencing rejection, blame, neglect, or abuse, and a core feeling of being unlovable and flawed.